The void….

My soul hurts, yeah that’s right, I said my soul. There is this place inside of me that always seems to be empty, that nothing can fill it. Not love, not hate, not joy, not sadness, not friendship, not anything, it is just there, quietly making its presence known, reminding me that something is missing. I have tried so many things to fill it, food, drink, drugs, alcohol, sex but at the end of the day… is still there, this lonely, empty place that I have come to know as the Void.

I know why the Void exists as much as I try to pretend that I don’t, it exists because God put it there. He created this place inside of me that no one can ever fill no matter how hard they may try or how badly I want them to. He made this emptiness too deep so that I would realize no human could ever meet that need. He wants me to know the hunger I have will never will never go away unless I turn all of this over to Him. And so after 46 years of crying, kicking, screaming….I will accept that I belong to Him first, last and always, that only He can satisfy the longing of my soul and if I allow Him to heal the broken places that live within me, the void will cease to be The Void and will begin to be my sacred place where I can be alone with the Lover of my Soul.


About Minister of Style

I am a mom of 6, and a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love fashion and always have but sometimes my vocation and my hobby clash. On this blog, I hope they can learn to co exist together. I also blog about my beautiful daughter, Tatiana who happens to have Down syndrome. She is the joy of my life and it is my prayer that people will come to know that people with Down syndrome are just that people first, the condition is secondary and should be treated as such. View all posts by Minister of Style

One response to “The void….

  • Benita Russell

    Hi Urban Domestic Diva,

    This post was very deep and I could really identify. If the truth be told, I think that all of us have or have had “the void” but many of us, me included, do what you have done and spend years trying to fill it with various people, places, and things. After just having another birthday, I realized that I have gotten off on a tangent of sorts, doing “my own thing” so to speak and forgetting whose I am and whom I serve. I don’t like to make resolutions but I have made a commitment to myself as well as to the Lord to make 2010 the year that I get myself (with His help and guidance of course) back to the place where I first believed. In that place it was all a Jesus, serving Him, serving others, and living as He has instructed us. Looking forward to a great year and more insightful posts.

    Much love,


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